The IRS decided to audit Ralph, and summoned him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Ralph showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, "well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money through gambling. I'm not sure that the IRS finds that believable."

"Oh, I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," said Ralph. "How about a demonstration?"

The auditor thought for a moment and responded, "Okay. Go ahead."

Ralph said, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

The auditor paused a moment and said, "Okay! Its a bet."

Ralph removed his glass eye and bit it.

The auditor's jaw dropped, but he realized he'd been had. Ralph then remarked, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

The auditor could tell that Ralph wasn't blind, so he took the bet.

Ralph removed his dentures and bit his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realized he had wagered and lost three grand, with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He started to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing," Ralph said? "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides this is too much, and that there is no way this guy can manage such a stunt, so he agrees to the wager again.

Ralph stood at one end of the desk and unzipped his pants, and though he strained mightily, he just couldn't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinated all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaped with joy, realizing that he had just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Ralph's attorney moaned and buried his head in his hands.

"Are you OK?" the auditor asked.

"Not really," said the attorney. "This morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he could come in here and wizz all over an IRS official's desk, and that you'd be happy about it."