Yeah, that's pretty dark but I confess... I laughed.

No kidding, I have really heard this over our local fire frequency. As a matter of fact, I have even heard young EMT's from my own district say this on the radio:

"Prospect (dispatch), and Medic One, we a have arrived on scene of a patient that is unconscious, but breathing."

In all my years as a training officer, fire captain, and fireman, I have yet to see a real unconscious Butt Breather...

---

You better laugh at yourself,
Everyone else is.

www.parkenfarkergroup.blogspot.com

In a news conference today, Deanna Favre announced she has
applied to be the starting QB for the Packers when her husband
retires.

Deanna asserts that she is qualified to be starting
QB because she has spent the past 16 years married to
Brett while he played QB for the Packers. During this
period of time she became familiar with the definition
of a corner blitz, and is now completely comfortable
with other terminology of the Packers offense.

Sounds idiotic, right?

Well, Hillary Clinton makes the same claim as to why
she is qualified to be President and 50% of democrats
polled agreed.



(thx, gk)

---

You better laugh at yourself,
Everyone else is.

www.parkenfarkergroup.blogspot.com

Yeah, I've always been amused at what happens if you google "French Military Victories"

Here is what Google gives you:



Did you mean: french military defeats


No standard web pages containing all your search terms were found.

Your search - french military victories - did not match any documents.

Suggestions:

- Make sure all words are spelled correctly.
- Try different keywords.
- Try more general keywords.
- Try fewer keywords.

Also, you can try Google Answers for expert help with your search.

---

POLICY CHANGE IN HEAVEN!!!
It was getting crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admission policy. The new rule was that in order to get into Heaven you had to have had a real bummer of a day on the day that you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day.

So, shortly after noon the next day, when a man came to the gates of Heaven, the Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly asked the man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died."

"It wasn't going to well," the man said. "Then, I came home to my 25th-floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife half naked, but her lover was nowhere in sight. She was yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment looking for him.

Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy!

Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and so he didn't die.

"This ticked me off even more. In a rage, I went back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to throw at him. Oddly, the first thing I thought was big enough was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and! crushed him!

The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly."

The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy had a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the Angel announced, "OK sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.

Then, a few seconds later, the next guy came up to the gates. To the Angel's surprise, it was Donald Trump. "Mr. Trump, before I can let you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when you died."

Trump said, "No problem. But you're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side. Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the edge of balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom, which broke my fal l , so I didn't die right away. As I'm lying there face up on the ground, unable to move and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator--of all things--off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me, killing me instantly."

The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as Trump finishes his story. "I could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself.

"Very well," /the Angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he lets Trump enter.

A few seconds later, Bill Clinton comes up to the gates. The Angel is almost too shocked to speak. Thoughts of assassination and war pour through the Angel's head. Finally he says, "Mr. President, please tell me what it was like the day you died."

Clinton says, "OK, picture this. I'm naked, inside a refrigerator...

---

You better laugh at yourself,
Everyone else is.

www.parkenfarkergroup.blogspot.com

This is what you get for encouraging me...
A Republican in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked
the waitress for a cup of coffee. The republican looked across the
restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?".

The waitress nodded "yes," so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a
cup of coffee, on him.

The next patron to come in was a Libertarian with a hunched back. He
shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a
cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the
restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus over there?". The waitress nodded, so
the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."

The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on crutches. He
hobbled over to a booth, sat down and ordered, "Hey there, honey! How's
about gettin' me a cold glass of Miller Light?"

He too, looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that God's boy over
there?". The waitress once more nodded, so the
Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold glass of beer. "On my bill," he
said.

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and
said, "For your kindness, you are healed". The Republican felt the strength
come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus also passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, "For your
kindness, you are healed". The Libertarian felt his back straightening up,
and he raised his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back flips out
the door.

Then Jesus walked towards the Democrat. The Democrat jumped up and yelled,
"Don't touch me... I'm collecting disability!".

---

You better laugh at yourself,
Everyone else is.

www.parkenfarkergroup.blogspot.com

One day during rehearsal, the band director was getting really fed up with one of his percussionists.
He could not stay on tempo, and this had been a recurring problem for some time, he could no longer seem to control his percussion section.
The director finally snapped and during a temper tantrum, threw his baton at the drummer.
It stabbed him right through the heart.

He was convicted of Murder and Sentenced to Death by old Sparky the electric chair.

Well after several years of sitting on death row and trials and appeals and more appeals, he was finally sentenced to Death the next morning.


The priest and the guard came in and went through all the pre- execution rituals, including his request for a last meal.

It was an odd request.

He wanted a dozen green bananas.

He ate his dozen green bananas and they marched him down to the chair.
They hooked him up, sponged his head and wired him all up real good.
They threw the switch.

All the light bulbs dimmed and flickered.
He shook and twitched.

...but he did not die.

The executioner scratched his head.
The priest exclaimed, "God must have interviened!"

But the band director simply said,





"I guess I'm just a poor conductor...."

---

You better laugh at yourself,
Everyone else is.

www.parkenfarkergroup.blogspot.com

On the first day, God created the dog and said: 'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'

The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'
So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said: 'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a 20-year life span.'

The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for 20 years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'
And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said: 'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of 60 years.'

The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about 20 and I'll give back the other 40?'
And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said: 'Eat, sleep, play, marry, and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you 20 years.'

But man said: 'Only 20 years? Could you possibly give me my 20, the 40 the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes 80, okay?'
'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'

So that is why for our first 20 years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy ourselves. For the next 40 years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

---

You better laugh at yourself,
Everyone else is.

www.parkenfarkergroup.blogspot.com

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and a voice in the dark said, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.

Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

"Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you"
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"


"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."

---

You better laugh at yourself,
Everyone else is.

www.parkenfarkergroup.blogspot.com

If Mike wins the Librarytarian Nomination and picks Bob as his running mate will we see campaign slogans like:


"Don't get stuck in the mud, Vote for Gravel Barr 2008,"


Gravel Barr 2008!

---

You better laugh at yourself,
Everyone else is.

www.parkenfarkergroup.blogspot.com